What can I say other than oh.. My... God. Things are moving. What things? Well, since you ask, but.. Actually... Let's start last Friday. A day at the Queens medical centre for an entirely non-trans related checkup (although it was related to the voice) informed me that the vocal cord cyst I had had two failed operations to remove had now simply vanished of its own free will. Amazing. I had to mention to the surgeon that I was trans as I hoped this wouldn't affect my female voice or any potential surgery I may be considering and he informed me in the positive, plus I got to see a voice therapist who didn't think my voice was a million miles from being feminine.
Arriving home after these events I was greeted by a speeding fine... And that did it. Some emotional things just flooded out, and I rang my parents, but fortunately they weren't in as I'm pretty sure they'd have thought I had completely lost it.
So next morning I decided to do something I thought I never would... To tell some close friends. In my head it was a potential nightmare scenario... Should I take protection? Would they think I was mad? So making my way to see them I ran over the conversation in my head several times. And more probably. Guess what? Nothing happened. That is to say nothing bad. The phrase whatever you do you'll always be our friend was used, and no questions about being gay, and the multitude of others that I was expecting. The major thought I had afterwards was.. Why didn't I do this years ago?
They were amazing, and it was like a massive pressure lifted from my head. No pressure to show pictures, no rushing into anything...
Next day I was due to visit another friend in the same circle, and as much as I love him he is a very direct person, say what you think.. Or so I thought. Have to say with him I went to the gig that we were going to see anyway, then went to bed (running over the same thoughts as before, although maybe worse). Monday morning I psyched myself up (again) and revealed all. And the reaction was, again, positive. In fact I think I saw a side of him that I'd never seen in 35 years, I guess it felt like he was talking to a woman, not an old male friend. I felt emotionally elated. He also mentioned that he was in the fortunate position of having all the money he needed, but didn't know what to spend it on. I guess he's achieved what he wanted to in life, whereas I am finally on the right road.
I know I have 6 supportive friends, parents who care (in their own way), and I'm hoping this will continue, but I'm quite aware of the fact that not everybody may like or understand what I'm doing. I have to put me first, carry on and see where we go from here. I still have 4 friends (2 couples) in the same circle as this weekend's victims, but in reality one lives in Devon and the other I rarely see so they are, in a way, not as important. However I would like to get them onside (as it were) as we have a group meal in January and I'd like to get very dressed up, as opposed to my usual throw something on. I do appreciate though that I don't want my of them to feel uncomfortable so we'll see what transpires. It'll be a ride, for sure....
No comments:
Post a Comment