Week 2

What can I say other than oh.. My... God.  Things are moving.  What things?  Well, since you ask, but.. Actually... Let's start last Friday.  A day at the Queens medical centre for an entirely non-trans related checkup (although it was related to the voice) informed me that the vocal cord cyst I had had two failed operations to remove had now simply vanished of its own free will.  Amazing.  I had to mention to the surgeon that I was trans as I hoped this wouldn't affect my female voice or any potential surgery I may be considering and he informed me in the positive, plus I got to see a voice therapist who didn't think my voice was a million miles from being feminine.
Arriving home after these events I was greeted by a speeding fine... And that did it.  Some emotional things just flooded out, and I rang my parents, but fortunately they weren't in as I'm pretty sure they'd have thought I had completely lost it.
So next morning I decided to do something I thought I never would... To tell some close friends.  In my head it was a potential nightmare scenario... Should I take protection?  Would they think I was mad?  So making my way to see them I ran over the conversation in my head several times.  And more probably.  Guess what?  Nothing happened.  That is to say nothing bad.  The phrase whatever you do you'll always be our friend was used, and no questions about being gay, and the multitude of others that I was expecting.  The major thought I had afterwards was.. Why didn't I do this years ago?
They were amazing, and it was like a massive pressure lifted from my head.  No pressure to show pictures, no rushing into anything...
Next day I was due to visit another friend in the same circle, and as much as  I love him he is a very direct person, say what you think.. Or so I thought.  Have to say with him I went to the gig that we were going to see anyway, then went to bed (running over the same thoughts as before, although maybe worse).   Monday morning I psyched myself up (again) and revealed all.  And the reaction was, again, positive.  In fact I think I saw a side of him that I'd never seen in 35 years, I guess it felt like he was talking to a woman, not an old male friend.  I felt emotionally elated.  He also mentioned that he was in the fortunate position of having all the money he needed, but didn't know what to spend it on.  I guess he's achieved what he wanted to in life, whereas I am finally on the right road.
I know I have 6 supportive friends, parents who care (in their own way), and I'm hoping this will continue, but I'm quite aware of the fact that not everybody may like or understand what I'm doing.  I have to put me first, carry on and see where we go from here.  I still have 4 friends (2 couples) in the same circle as this weekend's victims, but in reality one lives in Devon and the other I rarely see so they are, in a way, not as important.  However I would like to get them onside (as it were) as we have a group meal in January and I'd like to get very dressed up, as opposed to my usual throw something on.  I do appreciate though that I don't want my of them to feel uncomfortable so we'll see what transpires.  It'll be a ride, for sure....

Ready or not, womanhood here I come.

Womanhood's a word, isn't it?  Well, it is now. Now I know that blogs on being transgender and my journey and soforth are widely available on this and other sites so I promise I won't ramble on for days about little things that trans people know and no one else does.  One thing I have noticed is that trans and women in general tend to analyse everything in minute detail, which I guess is why they spend so long getting ready to go, well, anywhere and can spot the minutest detail out of place.  As a male my daily routine involved extracting myself from under the duvet, chuck some water about, if it was a special occasion have a shave, and if it was a very special occasion brush the hair.
As a female the daily routine is now signicantly more time consuming and involves such alien things as soap, moisturiser, cleanser, a brush.... And numerous other products previously considered surplus to requirements.  But, I completely get it, and yes enjoy the routine.  Dressing for males involves finding anything that doesn't walk by itself..   For females of course it's so much different, things feel nicer,  like you actually want to make the effort to iron them, for example.  Never mind that one layer previously did what four or five layers just about achieve nowadays.  One of my trans friends once said that clothing isn't part of the "process".... I beg to differ.  Clothing for me is a vital part, and I have spent hours browsing age appropriate clothing for me..  Now there's a phrase, and I have no idea what this really means.  One magazine will pooh pooh an item of clothing for a mid fifties woman, whereas others will actively encourage you to try it on.  I think I have "classic" taste, which is to say I love dresses, skirts, heels etc, and I think (and my personal trainer, who is in on my "secret" agrees) that I have great legs, so I'm keen to show them off as much as possible, but I'm aware that a mini skirt just won't cut it.  Having said that mini skirts seem to vary in length anyway, from little more than a belt to a few inches above the knee, so I guess I'll try some and see.  In private 😁
So here's a brief summary of my story so far.  Trans since who knows when, many false starts on the trans road before, bought and donated hundreds of pounds worth of clothes, shoes, make up.... Etc.  What's different this time?  Here's a few things:-

1. In previous attempts nobody knew about Louise.  This time round some people do,including my parents, and whilst they're not exactly over the moon they just want me to show them I can manage this.  I have 2 other friends who know and are very supportive.
2. This time I know in 6 months I could, should I choose, sell my business and retire, so I don't have the problem with transitioning "at work" as I don't have a "proper job".
3. In addition previous attempts have been semi stifled by lack of funds.  This time there is no issue with money due to a smart pension investment many years ago.  This gives me funds for any surgeries I want or need.
4. Previously I have been vastly overweight.  This time I am starting from a position where I know I can lose the weight I want in 6 months, should I make the effort to do so.  And I will.
5. I have also invested in a lot of laser and electrolysis so I have very little left to do.

So... Here goes...